you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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