how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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