The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
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Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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