Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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