I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
