Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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