I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
