The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
