In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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