I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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