just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
