Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
