the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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