I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
