I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
