Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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