I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.