i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂