If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"