her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
