If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right