So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.