I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't turn off my feet"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.