Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH