You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.