thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing