is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?