I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
