My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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