i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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