Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
