Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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