For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
