dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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