eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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