His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
