I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He better not be in your backpack
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
