i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
