bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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