im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
