I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
