He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she woke up with a sticky ear
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
