I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
