you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and she was petting her beer can
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
