I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
