I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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