Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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