Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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