God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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