If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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