will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Lo siento on account of my penis...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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