I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
