I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
