I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
