you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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