this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
