btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
