I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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