I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
