Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
