i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
