That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
