Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
