he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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