Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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