Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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