WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
