Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
