Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
