suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
